Deeper Joy

I have been in Irvine, CA for about 6 days now. It's been so great!

I have been very blessed with where I am staying. When I was here last time for the outreach we where given some wonderful contacts and and this time I am staying with their daughter. I have a place to myself and and its so peaceful and relaxing when I am there. I am not there to often as I am out and about but I am so thankful. The Lord knew after the craziness of Europe that I needed a good place to be for a few days.

I have been connecting with the Circuit Rider team that stayed on after the outreach and are living here. They are going for it and seeing some awesome stuff happening in the University's and churches in the area. On Sunday I drove down to San Diego to connect with my friend Eddie Brown and then one of my students who is his intern. Yesterday I was in LA catching up with my friend Shawn Bolz. Its been great!

These last couple days I have been overwhelmed with joy and peace. I can't remember the last time I felt so healthy in every area of my life. I so needed this time and the longer I am in this season the more I am realizing how it is changing me. Its slow but its deep. I feel more freedom and life just being me then I ever have. I feel a joy that goes deeper then my circumstances and peace that passes understanding. I love this season and I know come Jan it will be crazy again, but I believe what I am gaining now will mark me. I can't even fully define or describe it. Its does not feel intense or crazy, just restful and good. I have had a real problem in knowing how to rest in my life, I am not sure but I am be getting there now. I have a bunch of crazy stuff coming up but I know it will continue to change me in this season. So good!!!!

Thursday I will be going to the Impact LA conference with Shawn Bolz and connecting with Heidi Baker and Sean Feucht, that should be fun! On Sunday I head to Honolulu to teach for a week then strait from there to the Call in Detroit. I still have not gotten the breakthrough in finances yet and has continued to be my main point of stress but I know the Lord is faithful. If you wanna give its should would be a blessing!

Amsterdam

Well my Europe Journey is over now and I am on way back to the US.

What an amazing adventure that will always be apart of the journal of my life. I am really looking forward to the next time I get over there again. I feel like I may invest into the Celtic nations on yearly basis. It’s part of me I just don’t know how it all looks yet.

So my last stop was in Amsterdam. Fire and Fragrance has sent like 3 or 4 teams on outreach there now. That is where Andy was when God gave him the name “Fire and Fragrance”. We have some history there but I had never been so I felt it was important to go. At this time we don’t have a team from Fire and Fragrance there but we do have a outreach team from the Awaken DTS in Kona. This school is one the

closest to my hearts and I feel like they are mine as well. My two wonderful friends Chase Cofer and Elizabeth York are leading the team so I went to visit them for 4 nights. It was a great time.

When you think of Amsterdam there are many things that might run through one’s head. I don’t know that anything accurately prepares you for this city. First of all its one of the more beautiful cities I have been to. All the canals, bridges, buildings, its just amazing. You might also think it’s not a safe city, but oddly enough it is. Its funny I felt safer there then in London, Dublin, Glasgow or any of the big cities I have been in. So here you are surrounding by beauty and you know if you just walk in a few streets you will be hit head on with the Red Light District with the prostitutes in the widow and the all the shops selling marijuana. It is one of the stranger feelings I have had in a city.

My first day there was Sunday so I went to church at a Vineyard church with team and spent a little time in the city but in the more beautiful parts. On day two I went with the team to Dom Square where they gathered and worship the Lord and did a treasure hunt. I decided to spend time alone in the city for the next several hours. I knew I needed to walk through the Red Light District. I have never seen anything like it so I thought I needed to face the reality of what was around me. So I just started walking toward’s the direction and knew I would find it soon enough. As I got closer it felt darker and darker and the smell of marijuana continues to fill the air. Soon I found myself in a small ally at about noon and the windows where filled with women. I was just praying the whole time as it was all quite overwhelming. Men where going inside the windows and I just kept walking and praying. My heart and stomach where sick and spirit grieved. I looked around me and there where couples strolling along, young people, tourists, children with parents and no one seemed shocked, no one seemed to

care. Across from one set of windows was a coffee shop where men sat drinking their coffee watching and chatting like they do everyday. I just kept walking....... Trying to process, trying to pray, to carry His heart through it all.

I went to the what they call the “Jesus Loves You” Building as it a big building that say’s Jesus Loves you on the top both in Dutch and English. They have a christian coffee shop right here near the RLD and I sat and journaled. After I met up with the team and we went to the Prayer Room right in the RLD and we lead a tour our set. This was one of the most amazing things I have done in a long time. It was my perfect response to the Lord from what I had just seen and experienced. I sang songs of His Lordship, HIs love, His redemption, His light and hope. It was also just amazing being in a prayer room again. We sang and prayed and it was amazing!

The last day we went to this place with all the windmills and it was great to get out of the city a bit. That night we had dinner together in the city and I walked by crowd that was gathered around a man who seemed to be levitating. Yeah the first time I had seen that. It may have been a trick but there was absolutely no way to tell if it was. So I found myself just praying again. That night I gathered the team in the tower and prayer room and the YWAM base overlooking the city. I spoke on

perspective and faith, we prayed and it was a great way to end my time there. I know I will be back again!

So no I am headed to Los Angeles where I will go to the Irvine area where I will spend some time with our Circuit Rider teams there. I am also going to a conference called “Impact LA” with my friend Shawn Bolz and Heidi Baker and Sean Feucht will be there as well. I am going to bring up a few of the Riders to serve at it. I am looking forward to this time and I really feel like there may be some divine connections in these next few days. I am excited.

Oct 20-30- Irvine an LA, CA with the Circuit Riders

Oct 30- Nov 4 Honolulu to teach in a DTS

Nov 5-13 Detroit, MI I am helping to head up a team for The CALL to do some ministry, prayer, etc

Nov 13-21 Sophia, NC with my friends Jonathan and Melissa Helser

Nov 21-25 Mississippi doing a Pastoral Visit for the Sex & Money documentary team.

Nov 25-30 Denver, CO with the York Family

Nov 30-Dec 5 Wasilla, AK (my Album is set to Release Dec 1)

Dec 5-30 Pt. Agassiz, AK with my family

Dec 31 Back in Kona !!!!!

I know I keep saying this but I am still in great need of finances!

Encountering God in Unexpected Ways

I am now near the end of my Faith Journey in Europe and about to enter a new one in going back to the US. As I look at my time I have so many thoughts and feelings about it all. When people ask me how my time was I really don't know how to answer with a quick response. I am at a loss for words as it was much deeper then I knew and I think will continue to unfold for some time to come.

I may may be a little raw and vulnerable in what I am about to write and it scares me a little to let people read about the deeper things of my heart, but I am going to go for it anyway.

A lot of people have heard my testimony and know some of my journey. I have been in full time ministry now for many years and my life is about living for Jesus. I speak all the time on relationship with Holy Spirit and how He is my best friend. Every bit of it is true. For sometime now I had realized that I had come to a place in my life where I gave my life away to people. Anyone that really knows me knows that I say more then having a prophetic gift I have a gift of love. Most days start with me being with people by 8 or 9 am and not getting home from ministry till 10 at night. No one asked me to give this much of myself, I have just grown accustomed to it. I have realized for some time now that I can not maintain a healthy life this way. I just love to minister and be with people! I knew in many ways I needed to find my "first love" again. I set out on this faith journey not really knowing what would happen. A little scared nothing would.

It has always been my dream to go to Ireland and then Scotland and Wales. Never did I imagine I would go alone. I had no one to go with me so I decided to do it alone and n the back of mind I knew it was a set up from God. That first night in London I thought maybe I had lost my mind in doing this. All alone in a not so great part of town, driving a manuel on the other side of the road and not really have much money. Things did get better and soon I got used to it all. It was weird at first going to see things and experiencing all this by myself. I did talke to my best friend Holy Spirit throughout it all. Sometimes I would just walk down the streets signing. As time went on I found myself enjoying it more and more and realizing there was a peace that passes understanding coming again. I was being centered again in Him.

For those that know me, you know I am prone to encounters from time to time from the Lord. I had an expectations that would happen but soon I found myself not really caring and just enjoying the journey with Him. As this part of my journey comes to end here in Europe I realized I have been in an encounter with the Lord the whole time.

There was one main question and desire I had through this trip. That desire was to be completely satisfied and reliant on Him. You see more then any other thing since I was a girl, the desire of my heart was to be a wife and mother. Like most girls I thought it would have happened at a young age. I find myself now 31 years old and just as single as I have always been. It has been one of the hardest thing I have had to face. The constant "why God". The battle of hope and feeling like I am being ripped off. Not understanding, dealing with lies that there is something terrible wrong with me. I could go on and on. See your mind will tell you one thing and heart another. People say all kinds of interesting things to try and encourage you and explain it. They give you words that give you hope for a moment and fade with time and you wonder if they where just speaking out of their own hope for you. I used to think I would never marry to make myself deal with it better because it was easier to deal with that fact then live in the tension of hope deferred that had made my heart sick. Then I got to a place finally where I lived in hope and believed "someday soon". The question is how do I live in the place of hope and faith fulling believing but not allowing my heart to grow sick. How do I live there and be completely content in Lord now. I don't actually think there is a direct answer, its part of a journey. So I asked the Lord to meet me while I was all alone on this crazy journey, I asked Him to do something with all of that. I am tired of this crazy battle of the heart.

As I journeyed with Him my heart came more and more into peace and the desire for a family never diminished in any way, maybe actually increased. I felt peace, I felt hope, I felt love!

Then one day, just a few days ago I was in Northern Ireland with the Fire and Fragrance team thats there. They where all busy and I had such a strong desire to just go and be with the Lord. I ended up finding this little road up a mountain and I got higher and higher and never saw a single soul. There where little farm houses around but it was like all the people where missing. There where animals and life everywhere. I just pulled over next to this green field and sat there and waited. Not more then a few seconds passed and the Lord flooded my soul! Out of what seemed like no where He began to speak. He showed me pictures and spoke answers I had wondered about the "why". He spoke His heart! No, he never told me when, he never said anything about the future. He spoke about the past, He showed me how my response of always keeping my heart open in the midst of pain, rejection, not understanding, in the longing and waiting, how I had chosen to love. To give myself away to Him and to others. He asked me if I thought I would have done all of the things I have and ministered in the ways I had, if I He would have given me what I wanted then. Now there is no way of knowing fully what my life would have looked like, but somehow again this crazy peace came. Of course I am weeping as He spoke so many things which are to personal to every put in a blog. He was sweet, tender and I knew His heart. As I drove of that mountain that day I had no more answers of what was to come, but there was a smile between the Lord and I of the secrets we shared, and the relationship we had. It was well with my soul. I have more faith today that I will have my own family someday. I pray this peace and grace remains. I no longer think maybe there is something wrong with me as to why, or even something wrong with them of why they don't choose me. I will never fully understand it all, but my life is bearing more fruit then I ever dreamed it would at 31 years old. I have embraced the pain and known Him in it and it has produced life! The desire and longing increases but so does my faith and hope! Until then it is well with my soul!

So what now? Well I am have one more day in Amsterdam, and I will write a blog soon about this place. Then I head to Irvine, CA where a Circuit Rider team is living and I am going to check in with them and connect with other friends and ministers in the area for about 9 days.

I am still in great need of finances!!! If anyone wants to sow into this journey I could sure use it right about now!

Southern Ireland

You know there is a places in the earth that imagine will look or be a certain. Well when it comes to Ireland it really is everything I imagine it would look like. They are coming into the rainy fall season but even in that it's so beautiful. I have spent the last three days in the South of Ireland on the coast, staying in Dungarvan. For the last few days I go out and on adventures and finding different old churches and cities. Driving through little villages and towns and stopping to look at things so much older then anything we have in America. So much history. Being alone I don't have anyone to talk to so it leaves a lot of time for the imagination. As I sit alone in some old church yard of village I think about the history of these places and the lives once lived there. I stand in front of castles and imagine the horse drawn carriages and the different going on's. Its kinda fun.

This is not really the tourist season so a lot of places I end up I am the only one there or just a few people around. Sometimes in driving down some little road I don't see car's for miles. One place I went to is the his old abby in Admore and they have these tours around and this one was one of the oldest. But the monks built them for when they where invaded they would take all their most pressure writings and things and get in the tower and pull the latter up so the enemy could not get it. But then I began to wonder ha ha why did the enemy not just bring their own ladder, but anyway there pretty cool.

The next day I checked out the city of Waterford. It's one of the only places in Southern Ireland that both the Catholic and Protestant church where built by the same guy. A very old town! That night I went back to watch the Ironman live on my computer. I was up till like midnight watching my friend Chris Leito race. So sad he did not win, but he is an amazing man of God and and an amazing athlete! So inspiring!

One day I went to Mt. Mellory Abby and its in active one. I think when I was there all the monks where taking their nap because they get up at 4 am. It was up in the mountains and very beautiful. As I went into the entry way of the abby there was a flyer on a bulletin board

advertising a charismatic catholic conference called "Fire Fall Down" I thought that was so interesting. I know they have them but a funny to thing to imagine all these monks and nuns just going for asking for the fire of God to fall. Love it. There was a little coffee shop up there and I made friends with a girl and it was nice to have conversation with someone. :)

Yesterday I drove up to Dundalk above Dublin and it was rainy and stormy. Today I made it to Rostrover where the Fire and Fragrance team is. I can not tell you how happy I am to see friends from home. My students and staff that I just love so much! My heart is happy today. I will be here for the rest of my time in Ireland.

The Lord is speaking to my heart more and I feel like He is doing a good work in me. I may have written this in a previous blog but I realize more and more that what provokes the

things inside of me are not locations as much as people, and the assignments of God more then places. So I love being with the team again!

I have seen some provision (thank you Jesus and those who gave), but I am still in need of some breakthrough to finish out this trip!

More to come on the rest of my time in Ireland.

From Scotland to Ireland

Its late and the wind is howling outside my window, my nose and finger tips are cold, with a cup of tea beside me and I love it. I am in Dungarvan, Ireland. Its a little costal town at the bottom of Ireland.

Let me back up a little about the rest of my time in Scotland, but go grab a cup of tea and settle

in with me as later I want to tell you a story.

I had a great time in Scotland and was so blessed to be able to stay at my friends "flat" in Glasgow and get to Todd and Ruth Weller better. On Sunday I went to two church services one in Glasgow in the morning and one in Edinburgh in the evening. It was a much more conservative Sunday compared to last week in Wales. I know there may be religion, but as I looked around me I again was aware of people's hearts for God and I love that!

On Monday we went up into the Highlands and that was my favorite. It was a bit rainy so it was hard to get some great pictures but it cleared up after lunch and I was able to see more. I just love it up there. You know if I was ever to move to Scotland I don't think I could do the city I would definitely have find me a little place up there!

My last day in Scotland I caught a train to Edinburgh and checked out the city and the castle. Walked all over and took in the culture a bit more. That evening one of my old Fire and Fragrance students Daniel Brown who was only married two weeks ago, came and picked me up. There was this little meeting with this couple from America who worked for IrisMinistries but lived in Israel and now lives in Scotland. Anyway they where having this little meeting with some visiting ministers from South Africa and the U.S. So I went to meet them and go to this meeting. It felt kinda funny being there only because its very rare for me to be in a room where prophetic ministry is happening and I am not the one doing it and am just someone in the room. It was good for me. I was called out and prophesied and prayed over and it was encouraging. Nothing earth shattering or new but encouraging way to end my time in Scotland.

Oh Ireland how I have waited for you!

This is where I want to tell you a story. Many years ago now I had this vision/encounter of a room in heaven that was all celtic stuff. At the time I had no idea what I was seeing. But I saw this room and everything in it was celtic and in the middle was a glass case with a book under it all in celtic looking writing. All over the room where lines of DNA and they where going into all the nations of the earth. Later I talked to my friend Ray Hughes who is historian and authority on all things celtic. What I described to him was the "Book of Kells" and he said it really

is under a glass case in Ireland (It was written in Scotland, in the early 800's). He said that what happened in Ireland has effected the rest of the world, hence the book "How the Irish Saved Civilization". I have always loved the celtic nations, but from that time I knew I would one day come here and when I did it would be significant. So I have been waiting for so long, and now I am finally here.

As soon as I got in I got the car which was a huge issue which I don't want to talk about right now but I am need some serious finances! Anyway I made my way strait to downtown Dublin and had to pay like $12 for parking and then I went to Trinity College where the "Book of Kell's" is. I was thinking that seems like a good place to start. Well when I get there they are going to charge me another $12 just to see it. I was like "lame"!!! But I did not come all this way to be stubborn about money so I was like Jesus help me here with the car, the parking, now I have to pay to see everything but oh well here I go!! I walked through all the exhibits (to get my money's worth) and then into the room where guess what? There is a glass case with the "Book of Kell's" under it. Its a very surreal feeling to see something in the natural you have seen in an encounter. I actually really felt the presence of the Lord while I was there. Still praying into it all. .

I walked around Dublin and ate an Irish meal for dinner. I finally found the place I was staying at like a guesthouse B&B and I was on the top floor and a tiny little room. It was a nice enough place but I found myself really struggling last night. There was a lot of warfare and I felt so alone and I just wanted to run away! It was a hard day and not what I expected to feel and it made me afraid for the rest of the trip but I knew I would press through. I must of pressed through because this morning I felt so much better! I ate an Irish breakfast at the B&B and was up and out to St. Patricks Cathedral (had to pay again to see it). I walked around Dublin a bit more and then started by trek to Dungarvan. I stopped at sights a long the way and took pictures and just had

a good day with Jesus. It was so pretty. I got a bit lost, but that can be fun to. I love where I am out now out of town and near the ocean. I am staying in a nice B&B. I will be here 3 days and plan to explore the area. Everywhere I go people are so surprised I am traveling alone, but I know I am not really alone.

So for all of you reading this I am in a bit of deal with finances right now. Things ended up costing me so much more then I had anticipated and I really need a pretty big miracle in this area. It is a faith journey and I went, but if any of you want to give it would be so appreciated or pass the word along. I also have some pretty big things coming up after this trip. I will tell you more soon.

Wales to Scotland

I am falling for these Celtic nations more and more. I always knew that whenever I came here there was a good chance that would happen.

As I have learned how to drive a bit better and not so terribly focused on everything little thing I am doing I have been able to relax a bit it take things in around me better. This has seemed bring a bit more enjoyment to the trip. So since I last wrote a blog I had a couple more day's in Wales.

I have continued to make some great relationships with folks there. I had some great divine appointments and times of prayer with people. The Lord has His way as I was able to encourage and speak into some lives as well as have them bless me. The longer I was in Wales the more my heart started getting stirred for this little nation that carries so much revival history. Something that I have seen, experienced and history tells us is one of the main oppositions to "revival" is the "spirit of religion". I am careful to what I call religious as I think sometimes we can be wrong and call something religious just because it does not look like what I would called "freedom". But at the same time there is so much "religion" in these places where there was once revival. As I walked around and saw all these people around me I got to thinking that if they where from this area that somewhere in their family line a few generations back the likelihood of revival effecting their family was great. There is revival in their DNA. Again it does not seem like the hinderance to "revival" is the unsaved and the world it would seem the main hinderance to seeing it happen again is the religious. But oh God is bigger then that! It's happened before!!! The more stories I heard of this nations while I was there the more I want to come back! I did not get near the time I would want there. This journey is one of scouting things out for me, being led by the Lord and moving onto the next place and seeing what God is doing there. Now I just need to come back and spend time in certain places. Making longer investments. Seriously if God asked me to I think I could come and give some real time to this. But I still have important current assignments from the Lord where I am at. I have no intentions of doing anything different unless He speak!

As I drove to Scotland it was a 7 hour drive I pondered these thins a lot. The first few days I was here I was questioning if my heart would connect. It was a bit of a mystery for me. But as I drove from Wales to Scotland my heart was stirred in a greater way and I found myself being more and more convinced that I would connect and invest in a greater way in the future.

The Lord blessed me with some beautiful weather. The GPS took me a different way then I thought I was going to go and I ended up off the main motorway and on some back roads for awhile that gave me a longer trip but well worth the scenery. Then as I drove into Scotland I was kinda freaking out. Rolling green hills with stone buildings off in the distance with sheep scattered about. Ahhhhh yes!!!! But then I got into Glasgow I was a bit overwhelmed by the city and streets and I wanted to turn around and go back to the hills. I will just camp out in some abandon stone building. Sneak in a old church or something. I quite like those old graveyards, I think I would be perfectly comfortable hanging out there among the majestic tombstones that are so old you can't tell who is buried there. I am drawn to those places as I imagine the lives of those who once lived in these lands. I think I would prefer that then the hustle and bustle of the streets. But I need both the graves tell a story but the living are the inheritance and where the revival is!

I am staying in the city of Glasgow with my friends Todd and Ruth Weller who are YWAM'ers from Maui but Ruth is Scottish so they live here for now. Once again its very nice to be in a home with people that love Jesus.

Yesterday I drove two hours to me meet a pastor who drove two hours (we met in middle). It was a great connection and I think something may happen in the future. He is a pastor of an Elim Church which is kinda like the Assemblies of God. Then on the way home I went the long way around the coast and that was great. Today its pouring rain and I am catching up on a few things before going out tonight with Todd and Ruth. I am hoping it clears up in the next couple days I have here.

So one thing is I returned my car today as I won't be needing it here anymore. I got charged so much more money then I thought. The guy that talked me into the upgrade because it was better on fuel was very misleading. I think I am paying like $400 more then I thought I was going to be. I am so bummed!!! I wrote the car rental company but I don't know if they will do anything. If not I need more provision thats forsure. I will not be talked into an upgrade in the future even in they do tell me I will save more on fuel. Sheesh!!!!

So more of Scotland to come!!!